My story

Verena is a doctor of History.
Hers father was a leading Nazi during World War II.

My name is Verena Lang. I live in Austria. My journey to reconciliation has been long and arduous. How could it not be when you have to confront the history that I have? A history that includes confusing and condemning messages about God and the church. A history where I had to confront the fact that my father was a leading Nazi during World War II. A history where I was led to enter into the pain of my Jewish friends who lost loved ones in the Holocaust. A history that now leads me to be involved in the work of reconciliation between Catholics, Protestants and Free churches.

I was born in Salzburg in 1944. My faith journey began with a confusing, inaccurate, and limited view of God. My father was a Catholic and my mother was a Protestant. Both of my parents left the church before my birth. Therefore I was not baptized as a child. My parents told me that I could choose any denomination that I wanted.

From my mother I was told that in the Old Testament you find cruel stories of an angry God. From my father I was told that Jesus was a good man but he is not God and was not a Jew.

When I attended high school I was part of a class with Protestant girls. I often say they put all us heretics together, because Austria, at that time, was 80% Catholic. Due to the Counter Reformation, Protestants were said to be heretics in Austria. To spend time with my Protestant girlfriends helped me to eliminate any fear of contact with Protestants or members of Free churches.

It is interesting that in my schooling I was drawn to study history, culminating in a PHD in the subject. The historical period I was most drawn to was the period between World War I and World War II. This was the period where my father was involved in the politics of Austria. There is a character in James Joyce’s novel, Ulysses, that states:

“History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake.” These words resonate with me and my story. I had a lot of “awakening” to do, personally and spiritually.

Following the end of World War II, Austria, like Germany, was divided into four parts (one part each ruled by the Americans, the British, the French, and the Russians). I was brought up in the zone occupied by the Americans. As a child we were told all Nazis were criminals. How do you reconcile this when your father was a Nazi? How do you live with a deep love for your father and at the same time live in a society that tells you he is a criminal?

These questions were too painful to confront. So I hid the story of my father being a leading Nazi. Yet, amidst the hiding, I was always searching for the truth. My study of history helped me to further “awakenings” even after the death of my father. We can feel imprisoned by history, but we can also be liberated through studying and engaging with history.

Following my studies, my husband and I moved to Wieselburg, a little town in the east of Austria. At that time I was asked to sing in the masses of the Catholic Church. I did this also in Salzburg in the Protestant Church because I liked to sing. After eight years of singing in the Catholic Church in Wieselburg, a surprising event took place.

It happened on a Holy Thursday. I was not in a crisis at the time, nor was I seeking after God. Yet God touched my heart with the words of the liturgy: “Do this in remembrance of me.” These words, along with God touching my heart, were the beginning of a profound conversion where I received deep healing over several years.

When I surrendered my life to God it was as if he took an eraser to eliminate all the negative and condemning thoughts that I had accumulated from my parents as a child -- all the bad thoughts, all the lies about Jews, all the conflicting words about God. I received a lot of love from Jesus and was healed from anxiety about death. Today I am fully awake to all the healing I experienced and know that my healing has been a gift from God to help me endure what was to come.

After some years I fell into a big crisis. Deep feelings, that I had long suppressed, came out as sadness and anger. I felt I had to finally confront all the evil things that took place during Nazi rule and the involvement of my father. This proved to be a time of purification and a time for me to mature in my Christian life.

It took me a decade until I could come to the decision: I will forgive my father. Later, still, I came to forgive my mother (who I had learned had abandoned me for a period as a child). The power of forgiveness freed me from a tremendous amount of pain I had been living with. When I said to God: “I forgive my mother for leaving me because she did not know what she was doing,” I was healed from 45 years of chronic back pain.

God continued to lead me into expanding forgiveness. Years ago, my husband and I attended a big Christian conference in Rome. One day the conference celebrated a mass of reconciliation between European nations. Following the celebration we had lunch. At the lunch I sat next to a lady from Israel, a Jewish woman who had lost all her relatives in the Holocaust. She had originally come from Germany. I listened to her story and experienced a deep sadness about it. I felt led to say to her:

“Mrs. Kleinberger, my father was a Nazi and on behalf of my father and my country, I ask you for forgiveness for what the Nazis did to your family.” A long silence followed. Then she did something astounding, something transformative. Mrs. Kleinberger wept and embraced me and said to me: “ In Christ we are one.”

This transforming idea of “in Christ we are one” continues in my life today. Years ago my husband and I were invited to the “Round Table – Way of Reconciliation”. The Round Table is a fellowship of leaders of all denominations and churches in Austria, including Catholics, Protestants, Pentecostals, Free churches, Anglicans, and Orthodox.

Fifty years ago it would have been impossible to think that members of all these churches and denominations could sit together around a round table and begin to respect and love one other. Our individual and church histories had all convinced us that we alone were in possession of the truth and the others were wrong. For 400 years Austria was a predominantly Catholic country because our rulers – the Habsburg families – were Catholic. All non-Catholics were said to be heretics.

The split in the church created a tragic divide. We have to learn that we have a common history and that God is a God of history.

The Bible tells us to: Remember the days of old; consider the years of many generations (Deuteronomy 32:7).

I was forced to do this when I was asked to prepare a paper for a Conference on the common history of the Catholic and Protestant church. Through this experience God was encouraging me and moving me to further “awakenings” and to deeper involvement in the reconciliation between the different parts of the Body of Christ. This has led me to become active in the important work of Wittenberg 2017. I am convinced that the principles of reconciliation that guide Wittenberg 2017 are important to give our attention to and hold the promise of leading us to greater unity among the Body of Christ. Among the Principles, the following stand out to me:

Divisions weaken the Church universal.
The Church universal should feel the pain of her divisions and grieve them.
Grieving requires memory and emotion and we should pray for reconciliation and unity.
Any division can be healed and reconciled with the power of God.

These Principles have proven true in my journey of forgiveness and reconciliation. They have been true in my family’s life.

Because of this I am convinced that God can do his work of forgiveness and reconciliation in the divided Church. This is my prayer and my hope. This is why I feel called to the work of Wittenberg 2017.