My story

A Capuchin and a priest

Was born and brought up in a traditional catholic family.

When I was four, my mother died, so we moved into countryside where God took care of us through our broader family and later also a new mom.
It was her encouragement that had helped me to decide and I started to study at a catholic grammar school. Here I had found that it is very useful to act as a believer, especially at school. The environment was really moulding my personality and had helped me overcome the blunders of my teenage.

I fell in love. It was in the last grade of the grammar school I am still grateful for this relationship, for discovering the women world and also my weakness to “act in the relationship as a Christian”. Because of all that mess I broke up with this girl and I started to date another girl.

I saw somebody was organizing an evangelisation course called “Philip”. I enrolled in it, as I had noticed change in the life of some friends who had passed this course earlier.In this course I was indeed horrified that I don’t know God and His Love, although I was ministering in the church. My new community had been praying for me for half a year – so that I got to know the Lord. I started to awake and believed in the Living God more and more.

After some time I started to like another girl – this time she was a Christian. I had been praying for us and we liked each other more. I could feel how beautiful it was to have a pure relationship. However – I started to feel I shall start a consecrated life as continuation of my conversion and giving my life to God. I can still remember my interior fights – in my mind I had Abraham’s sacrifice – to give God the most precious thing – and I hoped God had some ram in the bush…

“OK, Lord, but you need to arrange it with this girl!” After a while she had told me, that God had revealed her in prayer the following:

“Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them;” (Luke 18, 16)

And here came my liberation and confirmation to join It was really great joy. the Capuchin community.. It was really great joy.

In the monastery I felt at first like in heaven. Of course, this status stopped a bit later. I had also passed a period when I felt there is nothing to confess from. (Luckily I need to fight for my purity, so there was always a reason to confess). I know it was foolish – but I had “clearly” felt that the problems of other people had to be solved, not mine, when any kind of daily problems occurred.

One year prior to my definitive vow the “formation” finally started: I wasn’t able to pray, I was getting angry with the way of the life in the monastery, and one of my closest friends had left the community & Capuchins… so I gave the definitive vows “only” in faith, discouraged enough.

The time that followed, studying theology and the life in the countryside monastery was the time when my faith got firmer. I also started to realise, that my points of view were insufficient, limited, and the only way how to remain in the Capuchin brotherhood was accepting them as they were. I had to love them more. Things that may seem easy in theory are much more difficult in practical life.

The time of diaconate came. It has been beautiful time of being filled by the service. First of all – I have to learn to serve the others and accept that. Not only what I like and what I am being gifted for, but it is important also to be able to see and to grasp what is needed. To learn how to lean towards a poor man, how to lean to a person in need and to love them. I still have been trying to learn that.

I was abhorred from the idea that I am a sinner and that I like to sin. Despite of the facts, that I have been listening to the best preachers and their best speeches and sermons; even the best charismatic were praying for me; I lived day by day in a consecrated community and I am still a sinner. I understood that I was abhorred more because of my own powerlessness, because I was able to control my sin on my own. That led me into deeper faith in God and at the same time it revealed my pride again.

Even today, when I have decided to become a priest, I am getting back to the fact, that there is Love of God Father and Jesus prayer:

“I had prayed for you, that your faith may not fail, and once you have recovered, you in your turn must strengthen your brothers.” (Luke 22, 32)

All in between it is my sin and the rest is God’s love in the hope that God doesn’t give us tests that are above our strength. And the hope will not let us down…