My story

Maruška Kožlejová /1983/ writer; she studied Esthetics and Slovak language and literature at the University of Prešov. She published two collections of poems – Antiques of Souls (2001) and Still some more rain (2006).
Her latest book is a collection of prose, called “How to catch in the rye”. She works with young people in the Kompas training centre. She also has her own web pages: www.maruskakozlejova.sk

Sometimes it happens that we encounter the Truth.

No, I am not thinking of situations where people discover our lies and we are naked and mortified. I am rather thinking about situations when you meet somebody or something that changes your way of thinking – for ever – by eliminating all doubts and bringing you life. I have got two examples of such Truth. The first one is my friend Janko. He is fascinating me and I learn a lot from him. We met long time ago. None of us actually remembers how it all began. I mean how we became friends. It must have been agreed in higher spheres, because according to earthly logics we did not have anything in common. We didn’t go to the same school and we didn’t have the same old friends or same interests. I read thousands of book, Janko not even one – back then. I was always surrounded by plenty of people. Janko was a quite person and did not like noise or too many people around him. It made him nervous. Back then I had pseudo-complicated thoughts in my mind. Janko was pure and crystalline and I was soon fascinated by him. When he opened his mouth, people could not speak before his wisdom coming out from humbleness and experience. He only uttered sentences based on experiences that he had previously had in his life. I often talked with him even a whole hour, and then he said:

“I do not understand you. Why is it important?” And I realised that – indeed – it is not important. I realised I was just pretending to be someone or do something, just like an actress. In other words, he showed me the truth.

In some other occasions he came and said that he was glad to see that I make things from the Spirit. I was glad, because I knew his criteria were simple and – consequently – incredibly high.

When we were grown-up and talked about our dreams, he said his dream was to simply remain Janko and behold God’s face. I admire Martin Luther King, Gandhi, and Immanuel Kant, but – I if can choose – I would like to be Janko.

When he prays, I open my eyes for a while and look at his face. I can see that he has met with the living God, that he talks with Him, and that he listens to Him. And I know that God exists... He must exist! In Janko’s face I see the reflex of the truth I am writing about.

As for the second example of truth, I travelled throughout two continents. And it was a distressful voyage. Marián Lipovský sent me to Brazil at the “Youth for Christ” conference. I was so pleased, although I was a little scared because I was supposed to travel on my own. Marián told me I had nothing to fear. A man would wait for me at the train station in Budapest, bring me to the airport, and give me the aeroplane tickets. Unfortunately, I took the wrong train… More exactly, I was sitting in the wrong half of the train. So, I was not travelling to Budapest, but to Bucharest. When I realised it, I got off somewhere at the border between Hungary and Romania. It was a small village with a small train station and hens and chickens on rail tracks. I was so sad I almost cried. Eventually, I reached my destination, though I lost my luggage in Sao Paolo. In Brazil I really learned a lot of things about poverty, passion, and about myself. I wrote plenty of letters. I was experiencing all sorts of things with the eyes of an observer, through something like a camera.

One night a man spoke. I think his name was Mike. I remember he was from Australia. I don’t know exactly what he was talking about. I remember it was a story full of truth. He used to live in the far countryside with his family, in a remote and isolated farm. His daughters grew up in the middle of nature, far away from civilisation. One day, they decided to take the children to Sydney for New Year’s celebrations.

They were so happy, packed their luggage, and travelled almost three days. Eventually they arrived to Sydney and when they were before the famous Opera House, they heard an incredible noise and thousands of lights and fire in the sky: fireworks.

The youngest girl was terrified and started to cry. Nevertheless, she did not look for mummy’s hand and did not try to hide. Then, her fear became gradually amazement. And amazement became joy. She started to scream, laugh, and rejoice. She liked those lights and tried to catch them with her hands. Then, Mike said that something happened. Suddenly, he heard God’s silent voice: “What happened to you, Mike?”

You are no longer able to look at things in that way. No matter what I do. You’ve got your paths and your presumptions. Your eyes are no longer gleaming. You never open your hands like her. No matter what I do. What happened to you, Mike?“

I was listening to that man and – all of a sudden – I felt I had to leave. I went outside in the darkness and I started to run. I heard the truth about myself and I refused it.

What happened to you, Maruška? You don’t look at me like before. No matter what I do. I ran as long as I managed. I reached the peak of a hill and I noticed an enlightened little village. It looked like our Gypsy settlement. Laughs and music resounded in the darkness. My fireworks.

And Truth brought me back to life.

From her book “How to catch in the rye”.