My story

O trouble...my dog Elvis shouldn’t be living in my groovy downtown condo. Everyone said “Get rid of him.” Kim, my twin, didn’t like her small room with a view of the breezeway, instead of mine, with a postcard view of Nashville. Kim threatened daily to remove the phone from her room so she didn’t have to put up with my late night calls. And then there were the folks – my parents lived next door — 30 years old and still living next door to your folks! Yikes!!!

My youth was spent at war with my Daddy. He was a great man and fine provider of the material necessities.

But the most impacting thing about him for me was the age old story, “My dad was an alcoholic.” I believed that my dad didn’t love me and I acted accordingly.

If daddy said “Don’t”, I did! When daddy came in the front door, I went out the back. I was the “wild-child”, the rebel, living to irritate my father.

As for God, He existed only as an inconvenience in my hedonistic life. The world was my oyster. I was the ruler of my universe.

And I had it all….good looking enough, made lots of money, lived in a swanky pad, had a convertible, sailboat, art, traveled, ate sushi, drank good Scotch and wore fine clothes. My friends thought I was “cool” and my relationship with my boyfriend was torridly passionate just like the movies. Indeed, I had it all…but in truth, I withheld nothing from myself because I was trying to fill up vast emptiness. By age 30, things unraveled. Living a self-absorbed lie...the dissonance of living “wrong” when I knew what was “right’...began to unhinge me mentally and emotionally. And my Daddy had just discovered my seedy path. We were not on speaking terms.

Mala som teda všetko, ale vskutku som nemala nič. Pokúšala som sa naplniť odpadom svoju prázdnotu. V tridsiatke sa veci rozpadli. Žila som rozdvojený život, kedy som si uvedomovala, že žijem v nesúlade s tým, čo som vedela, že je „správne“.... Začalo ma to ničiť mentálne a emociálne. Môj otec vtedy objavil moju nesprávnu cestu. Prestali sme sa rozprávať.

January 3, 1990 was a warm quiet night. I drove in late with the top down on my zippy convertible – my long blonde hair blowing in the breeze. Just after I got inside, the doorbell rang - a familiar sound. Must be Mama. We always visited each other late at night.

As I opened the door a giant knife came through and cut my finger. In a flash a man was upon me. He wrapped my arms around my neck, stuck a bowie knife under my ribs and said in a low voice, “I’m going to kill you.”

I was amazingly calm – my brain like a computer – registering every detail. I was powerless but knew that Kim would do something. The man did not know she was home. He began dragging me around the room screaming, “I’m going to kill you!

Then the man saw him – Elvis, the Wonder Dog! Elvis wasn’t a large dog but that night he looked like a bear. “Lock him up!” the man screamed as he dragged me toward the bathroom, “Lock up the dog!” I called for Elvis but he wouldn’t come. He just stood back growling looking large and vicious. For the first time in his little doggie life Elvis was disobedient. I was grateful. Elvis was all that stood between me & this man’s intentions.

Then I heard a sound like nothing I’ve heard before or since. “What are you doing with my daughter?!!!” I didn’t recognize his voice but I could see, reflected in the bathroom mirror, the blue paisley pajama shirt he’d worn all my life. I could see his little twisted arthritic hand & his little tiny butter knife. It was my Daddy….and he was the scariest man alive!

Now I stood between them – the man who gave me life and the one who was trying to take it. The man was stabbing at me. I grabbed his wrist and held on. He pulled away. I deflected the knife with my hand. Daddy couldn’t get to the guy because the bathroom was too narrow. The man kept screaming, “I’m going to kill her!” Daddy kept screaming, “I’ll kill you!” I was just screaming. This went on for a spell – knives flying and everyone screaming.

The man was tall, young, powerful and had a big knife. I’ll never forget my little old daddy with his little twisted hand and his little knife trying to get at this giant of a young man with his giant of a knife. We three did a tortured dance.

On that night I was strong and mean. With one hand I fought death but soon I ran out of steam. In a moment of clarity I realized that this guy was going to make contact with his knife. I was going to die.

I cried out the cry of a soul to its Maker, “Jesus, come and save me!” As the name of the Lord left my lips the power of God dropped onto us….solid and real. The power of the Creator of the Universe was on me –in me!

The man froze like a statue. His knife was over my heart but he couldn’t move. I put my face right up to his...our faces were touching. I looked into to his eyes. Gently I said, “Jesus is here and you have to let me go.” But he just stood stock still, frozen. I shouted, “Did you hear me? Jesus is here and you have to let me go!” He began to shake violently and said, “I know!” Then he pushed me out of the room and fell backwards into the bathtub like a dead man.

I saw blood everywhere...it was mine! My hands were slashed. As I ran from the condo the first thing I saw was a police car driving through the gate, rain pouring down and people milling about everywhere. What a change from just a few minutes earlier when I’d come in...a warm still night with not a soul around.

The man knocked my father down and ran out after me. He too was amazed – he had nowhere to run. Folks packed the breeze-way trying to figure out what the screaming was about. Finally the man ran down the stairs and was arrested by a cop who lived across the street. Hearing my sister’s screams, the cop had jumped out of bed, grabbed his robe and gun and ran over just in time to bump into the guy in the parking lot.

Kim had stepped into her room – the one she didn’t like and called my dad on the phone (that she had planned to remove from her room). Within seconds Daddy was in my condo. Kim went out her window onto the breezeway and woke up the whole downtown community.

Later at the hospital I started putting the whole thing together…how all of these factors came into play to save my life: the dog I shouldn’t keep; the bedroom my sister hated; the phone she wanted out of her room; the parents who lived next door; the God who was always trying to ruin my fun. I couldn’t believe how all of these “inconveniences” had worked together to save my life.

And I was Wowed!!! by the power of God….I’d just had a religious experience! Incredibly though, the most powerful thing that night was not the power of God but something I discovered later. After a trip to the hospital Daddy and I went to the police station to recount our stories. As I said before, my father and I had never gotten along…lots of fault on both sides. I thought he didn’t love me and I was his rebel child. I’d done much to hurt him. Though we lived next door I only saw him once or twice a month and even that I avoided. But that night my Daddy said something that changed my life forever.

The police asked me what happened. I replayed each detail…every time I blinked and how God showed up! They thought I was nuts. Rolling their eyes, they turned to my daddy (the sensible one) and said, “Mr. Hudgins, sir, you tell us what happened.” In a quiet voice my daddy said, “I don’t know what happened. All I know is that man was going to kill me…but not before I saved my daughter.”

What?! What did he say? Did he just say he was going to die for me...me the unloved one…the black sheep! The room was spinning—heaven opened— I saw God looking down at me. He said, “While you were still a sinner, Jesus died for you.” I saw straight into the heart of God. It was sacrificial love. My father on earth loved me! My Father in Heaven loved me! My daddy came in his blue paisley pajamas to die for me! He didn’t ask if I was sorry for being a jerk of a kid! He didn’t wait for me to say, “I was wrong—Forgive me.” He simply responded to the desperate cry of his child. He loved me! He always loved me! I couldn’t see the love of my dad before...it was obscured by rage and whiskey. I couldn’t see the love of The Father before...it was obscured by my dad.

I was riveted with a crystallized picture of the love of The Father who gave up all that was precious for His children even when they were in sin.

When the call came from Kim that, “A man with a knife has Kay!” my daddy was up and out of bed ready to die. In the same way my Heavenly Father came in power as soon as I called out His name. He didn’t wait for me to get cleaned up – He came right out of heaven to save me.

Later I opened a Bible. The first words I saw said, “Those who call on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

For 30 years I was the “god of my life” laying waste to myself and everyone around me, but I was changed instantly, dramatically and eternally. I touched the love of the Father…the compelling love that changes us from glory to glory and that now carries me. God is in the “business” of redemption and restoration. I made a commitment to Him, “I will go anywhere and do anything You ask - no matter where - no matter the cost.” Since that day, God has taken me on an amazing journey.

Daddy died in 1993; but, I have this story of my earthly father’s love for his child and my Heavenly Father’s great love for His children.

While we were yet sinners Jesus died for us.

 

Nathaniel Lamont Sawyers had an extensive juvenile record & was only 19 years old in 1990 when he was nabbed fleeing my condo. He got 25 years for Class A Felony Kidnapping. Twelve years later, out on parole, he sexually assaulted another woman. She was afraid to testify so the Parole Board did not return him to prison. In 2004 he brutalized a young woman, sexually assaulted her & tried to cut off her head. He’s now serving 70 years without parole. I pray that Nathaniel Lamont Sawyers will know Jesus and the love of the Father...and that his life will also be reconciled to God.