My story

The wonderful story of Júlia and Jozef became popular all over Slovakia thanks to a TV programme named Modré z neba on Markíza channel..
Jozef is the co-founder of a music band called Gyvipen.
dokument on CT TV - Virgin and gay

The charismatic newly married couple Jozef and Júlia Demjans has become quite popular also thanks to a TV programme called Modré z neba (The blue from the sky). My life was not easy at all.

When I was a child I was sexually abused by an older boy. We lived in poverty. I experienced occult practices, depression, homosexuality, and suicide attempts. Only faith in Jesus Christ brought light to my life.

"I hope I can share my story with you".

In my childhood, my identity was disrupted. I felt bad because of it. At the age of 6-7 I was sexually abused by an older boy. It took long time, several years, before I managed to speak out and openly denounce this fact. At the beginning, every time I thought about this negative experience I started to cry and didn't manage to speak any longer. I was a normal boy, but this experience caused a life transition. I realized that I was attracted by men, even though I used to spend a lot of time with girls. I felt safe with girls. Then, confusion came...

When I was 12, because of my disordered desires and because of the fact that I was attracted by men, I considered my self a "gay". I started a homosexual relation with an older boy. It lasted several years. It was one of my longest relations. Love was far from it. It was just physical relation.

At the same time I also had shorted relations with several boys at once. I was looking for love and I longed for something which would fill my interior void. Nobody had to know I had different sexual orientation. "In order to cover my homosexuality, I started to date some girls". It was a sort of alibi before my family, friends, schoolmates... I knew I was living a double life. It is not really easy to keep secret something like that for so long time. Consequences appeared also on my spiritual status.

Several years passed before I realized that homosexuality is not a model of virtue. It was not easy for me to explain my feelings, because it was something that involved my whole being. When homosexuality touches one person, it becomes in its essence pornographic. It destroyed me and it led me to total sexual chaos. Back then I was not aware of this.

I had nobody to share my feelings with. I had nobody with whom I could discuss about my doubts, experiences, and questions.

One day, a good friend of mine found a picture of a boy on which I had written: my love. She asked me what it means. I was not able to resist. I told the truth. It was my first time I openly spoke about my homosexual experiences.

It was the first person I informed about my story of sexual abuse when I was a child. A boulder fell down from my shoulder. I finally manage to share this issue with someone. She became a person I could rely on for the rest of my life. As for my biological father, there was no relation at all between him and me. He was not a model for me. He did not show me how a father should behave towards his children. As a father he failed. I think this is one of the factors that influenced my sexual orientation.

The situation at home was not easy. Communication was quite scarce and of bad level. I think that another factor at the basis of my sexual behaviour was our family environment. And then, the already mentioned sexual assault. When I was a primary school pupil I suffered from depression. Depression became stronger and stronger at high school. I found shelter in alcohol and drugs. Alcohol and drugs... They filled my void, but only temporarily. Insomnia, inquietude, pain, loneliness, masks, lies, tricks, sexual degeneration, fear, sense of guilt, hatred, intrigues, unwillingness to live, rage, cry, revenge, lack of love for children, desire of true love...

Later on I also started to smoke marijuana. At the beginning I felt good, but smiling didn't last long. When I had little money I bought toluene. I didn't want to live. I hated my life; I hated that boy, my parents, my siblings, and myself as well. Then, everything started to turn back. I started to have serious doubts about what I was doing in my life and about my understanding of homosexuality, I was looking for something that would fill my interior void. I tried all possible things around me, incl. occultism. Specifically: calling bad spirits and communication with spirits. I loved horror films and occult stories. They influenced me so much, that I managed to escape from reality - especially in combination with marijuana - and I felt as though I was a different person: e.g. a vampire. In my dreams I regularly met and had sexual intercourses with a mysterious man in black, a sort of god with a little "g". At the same time I perceived the afterlife. It was something that fascinated me and attracted me so much. It also turned against me and I had to face a further aspect which horrified me and made my life even harder than before. I hurried up back home. I thought I would find peace, but I was wrong.

After long time spent in reflections, I understood that homosexuality is an obstacle in my search of real identity. It was as though all little bricks were connected with one another. I mean, evil produces evil. God showed me the truth. I discovered the truth about God, about myself, and about people. I realized that I was a sinner and I needed His grace. It is something man does not gain because of his merits. It is a gift of God. I discovered the truth about the fact that God created man and woman, no third ways, no other genders. Let's imagine a world with only homosexual relationships. In a few decades life will disappear. God told us: ... Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth ... This is God's plan for mankind. This plan is to be fulfilled through marriage - and in no other ways. I accepted the identity I have in Christ - I am a man. We cannot see the truth if we are dazzled by lies about God, about ourselves, and about our identity. Sin hides the truth. God touched my heart. He showed me what is in my interior. And I cried. I saw dirtiness, sins... I confessed to Jesus that I was deceived, made blind by sins. I declared that I did not know the truth and without Him I cannot do anything. My life without Him would be a shipwreck. I told Him He could do whatever He thinks it is suitable and necessary for my life. At times when I looked like a wreck and I wanted to put an end to my existence, my sister Magda came and she guided me towards God. Later on I spoke with my sister about homosexuality. She said she would pray for me. Not just her, but her whole prayer group.

In the year 2000 I handed my life over to Jesus with a short prayer: : Lord, I confess that I am a sinner. Please forgive me! I believe that you died for me and for my sins, for my justification. I give you my heart, all secret spaces of my heart, all my life. Please, become my own Saviour, my salvation, my Lord. Change my life, save me. Amen.

I started to study the Bible. I started to discover more and more things about God. The more I read His Word, the Bible, the more my confidence in God grew. I gradually handed over to God each single aspect of my life, one by one. The hardest one was homosexuality. It was not easy at all to get rid of it. Was it because of my childhood experience? Did I really find love in another man? Did I just want some other man to be proud of me? Loved me? Was I longing for another form of masculinity? Sex with other men satisfied some needs. Did it give me relief or possibility of fleeing reality, i.e. something that I felt was necessary for me at that time? Jesus opened my eyes. As I already mentioned, I was regularly reading the Bible and I started to know God. Then, I started to be more and more confident in God and to hand over to him all single aspects of my life. My homosexuality was the hardest obstacle. I started to understand things quite fast. I could not even believe that those things were true. I did not know that I was standing on the bad side, without God, among those who support sin.

Since then, day after day, I realized all miracles that were happening around me, marvellous things. All of a sudden, my homosexual thoughts disappeared - those thoughts that tormented me for so many years. I was thinking of God all day long. I was praying and reading the Bible. I knew that God was with me. God told me: if you listen to me spontaneously, I will give you my blessings. I cried. I knew that God's blessing does not consist of wealth in itself, but in freedom from sin, in the name of Jesus Christ.

The changing process in my homosexual sphere was initiated. I had to overcome a number of psychological, spiritual, and emotional obstacles. I fought hard. I faced each little tiny temptation. Today, my life is filled by God.

Thanks Jesus, I got rid of my homosexual impulses and of other forms of addiction I just mentioned: marijuana, alcohol, drugs, toluene....., occultism I am no longer a servant of Darkness and Satan - I am no longer a slave of sins. Jesus said: "So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed".And Jesus made me free. (John, 8:36). God gave me peace in my life. He freed me from depression. He told me that - if I believe in Him and I am patient - everything will change in my life. He was right, He is right and He will be right.

I know I don't want homosexuality. I am sorry somebody thinks that I am suppressing homosexuality, but I can understand them. When people don't know God, His love, then they react like that...

When I started to pray for my healing from homosexuality and to read the Bible, my liberation from the influence of homosexual mentality was the most beautiful and most surprising thing I ever experienced in my life.

God changed my mentality, through God's Word - the Bible. . He poured into my heart a new desire for a woman and for children. In the past, I hated children because I did not receive any love in my childhood; and I wasn't able to give love to others. God filled me with love for children. Many people from my surroundings observed how God had changed me. So they also believed that Christ is their Saviour. Together with my brothers and sisters I founded a small Bible study class for children, youth, and adults. At the beginning we met outdoor. Then it became impossible because of weather conditions. We needed a new solution. We started to meet in my house or in the house of one of our friends. Over time, these places became too small for us all. We fought a lot in order to get a place to meet and study the Bible, pray, sing, and praise the Lord. Eventually we found it, Thanks God we have a little house in the town where I live. We are meeting there still today. It is also the fruit of our prayers. Deväť rokov som nemal žiadny vzťah, ani so ženou ani s mužom. „I did not have any relationships for nine years, neither with men nor with women. I needed to accept the truth about God, about myself, and about sins, about homosexuality, and also about my identity. Jesus said: "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free..." Who is the truth? Jesus. Jesus is the Way, and the Truth, and the Life...(/(John, 14,6)/. He made me free, He healed me. To Him my thanks, admiration, glory.

Concupiscence tore me out of my body and "imprisoned" my soul in the psychic form of another person. That's why homosexual practices and whatsoever forms of sex based on concupiscence never give satisfaction. It is a neurotic mechanism which is not at all natural or normal. Norm: it is something which is normal. That's why we call it "norm".

God came to me when I was confused, wounded, sexually abused, deceived, lost, lonely, stricken by terror, and frustrated. Through Jesus Christ I have nothing to fear. He gave me life: The Scripture says: Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things have become new". I am a new man in Christ's identity.

As most of the people, I am capable of developing different kinds of sexual behaviour. I could have sex with anyone. I could act in a pornographic film. But I don't want any of these things, because I am free in Christ. I could, but I don't want to (Christ gives me power to decide this). I know, somebody thinks that I have a hard life without homosexuality, that I suffer and torture myself. Well, it is not true at all. I can do everything, but I don't want to be a homosexual. Here is the difference. My life if fulfilled in God. I love my wife Júlia. . . We have a harmonious intimate life. We are blessed, and among other things we also have joy in sex. Sex is one of the elements of relation between married people. But marriage is not just about sex. And the most important thing is probably the fact that God is no longer far away from us. He became my own God, through faith in Jesus Christ. He became my Saviour. Jesus loved me so much that he died for me and resurrected for my redemption.

God allowed (and allows) me experiencing the meaning of love and "being loved". I know that God healed me and my sexual impulses towards other men disappeared. It is true. Homosexuality is not just having sex with a person of your same gender. As a young boy, in some way, I closed the doors to my growth in masculinity. God helped me open them again.

My submission to Jesus Christ signed the beginning of my growth in masculinity. God marvellously worked in order to eliminate my sensation of inadequacy among "real" men. God allowed me being a pioneer and a leader. In my past life the simple thought of playing these roles used to cause terror inside myself. I have worked for several years in a Community Centre. Currently, I am working for out township in social work right in the field.

My healing from homosexuality took place several years ago. I often ask myself to what extent I am really healed. I can say that time test was successful and that the result of my new life is a blessed marriage. In latest years I didn't have any homosexual temptations. When I say "temptation" I mean a serious desire or thought about sexual intercourse with a person of my same gender. Since my healing, I never longed for older and stronger men who would "take care" of me. All this disappeared as well. In other men I see brothers, not fathers or protectors.

Perhaps it still happens that I looked at a handsome boy. But this is no wrong thing at all. In recent years God showed me that this fact is caused by envy. I physically compare myself with other men... It is a residue of my past habits.

I am so glad that my life doesn't look like my horrible expectations when I lived in sins. Today, I run pastoral activities in different fields. I hold lectures in high-schools and universities about the theme of homosexuality-heterosexuality. I also hold lectures in primary schools about social and pathological phenomena. We created a Christian music band - Gyvipen and, within the frame of our possibilities, we make concerts - either as whole band or just with my wife Júlia. She also likes to sing with me. We look forward to celebrating our second wedding anniversary. On 12 February 2014 our little Ruben was born. A healthy cute boy. We would like to have several children.

God is almighty and I thank Him for all I am, for where I am. Everything is only God's grace.

If you want your sins to be forgiven, if you want to be a child of God, then you must believe that God loves you: For God so loved the world (you, me) that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. If you believe, pray this prayer: It is no magic... You just have to believe in Jesus Christ inside your heart. You can pray with your own words. This is just an example. God looks at your heart, not mere words...

"Lord, I know I am a sinner. I believe You died for my sins. By suffering on the cross, You were punished instead of me. I don't want to be a sinner anymore and I pray You, forgive me. I submit my life to Jesus and I embrace Him as my Saviour. Change my life according to Your will. Thank You for forgiving my sins. Thank You for your blood that erased all my sins - the blood of Jesus Christ. I believe that from now on I am a child of God. Amen.

You need a community of believers in Jesus Christ that will help your spiritual growth. Meet people who love Jesus Christ. Nobody can live in isolation. Remember that salvation is a joyful event. Your life goal just changed - you will spend eternity in Heaven (Acts of the Apostles 8,39,: 16,34)

I wish you to know Jesus Christ every day of your life and live in the power of His love. He has the power to change people, regardless of their sins or problems. The Bible says: "What is impossible with man is possible with God"... (Luke 18:27)