My story

I was born on 7 June 1976 in Bojnice. After high-school in Prievidza I started but didn’t finish my studies of philosophy and germanistics at the Faculty of Philosophy of the Comenius University. I had several employments. In the last 6 years, i.e. after my conversion, I worked in two factories for manufacture of rubber gaskets destined to car industry. I worked with cutting machines and injection presses, then in the quality department, and in the logistics department. I communicated with customers, managed complaints, took care of service meetings with foreign customers, translated and interpreted within the companies where I worked.

.. everything started by searching

At time of my relatively intensive spiritual search I tried almost all spiritual ways and techniques I heard of or read about. I didn’t believe that there is only one way that can lead to God. Therefore, I tested different approaches. From each of these approaches I took those things that “looked useful and suitable for me”, and at the same time I experienced some exterior or interior repercussion. I created “my own spiritual way” to God. Gradually, I filled it with more and more elements: Silva method for controlling conscience, parapsychology practices, healing techniques, alternative medicines, reiki, psychotronics, yoga, martial arts (like tai-chi and chi-kung), hypnosis, reincarnation regresses, and meditation techniques from different Buddhist schools. The spiritual world really attracted me. I was always prompt to spread all things that I learned and I acknowledged as useful. I used to talk about them with my friends. Later on, when I had intensive spiritual experiences and I discovered the supernatural, I went much deeper. I contacted spiritual beings throughout shamanic practices, spirit calling, magician’s path and warrior’s path according to Carlos Castaneda, fortune telling, clairvoyance, astrology, and horoscopes, mystics. I was also attracted by liminal experiences – use of musical instruments, music and dance, hallucinogenic substances, and holotropic breathwork in order to discover modified statuses of human conscience and mind. This was just a short summing up of all my experiments. I didn’t go as deep as people who have practiced yoga or other similar things for 10 years. Nevertheless, I cannot say I was just a dilettante. I practiced a lot of stuff. I attended seminars. I learned from other experienced people and I also taught other people; I did all this for eleven years (sometimes more intensively, sometimes less intensively).

From church to esotericism

I observed the life of people around me. I was more and more convinced that life must be something more than what we can see. Our existence is certainly something much bigger than what most of people do in their everyday life. I couldn't accept general mediocrity. I rebelled against anything that could generate doubts. I didn’t want to accept plain things, consumerism, and superficiality. Since I was a child, I used to have various dreams. Some of these dreams came true. I perceived and experienced unbelievable cases of coincidences that would not find any logical explanation. I wanted to know those forces behind us which influence our life. What is behind it? What is above it? Is it really meaningful to live the way this world dictates to us? Does God exist? If yes, what does he know about me? What can I know about God? I had plenty of questions. I longed for knowledge and for the supernatural. But I didn’t have any answers. Moreover, I also had personal problems. I was very often sick. My immune system was weak. I was looking for healing. Because of a heart disease, since I was ten or so, I was handicapped. When I was adolescent, this problem caused some complexes of inferiority in me. I wanted to do the same things as other boys: girls, football, skiing, skating, swimming, etc. But I had no chances. I was a complete outsider. Doctors ordered me not to make physical activity, but nobody prevented me from developing my spiritual, intellectual, and artistic dimension. This dimension became my shelter and I found my identity there. We also had some troubles at home. My father was as good as he could be. He worked hard in order to maintain our family, but he had problems with alcohol. My mother made efforts to put some remedy to this situation and she made a lot of sacrifices. It is often the case in most of Slovak families. I grew up under fear, uncertainty, and misunderstanding. Eventually, my parents got divorced. I grew up with interior wounds and pain. No doctors could prescribe drugs for this. I also had an unanswered question: am I a good boy, a good man? Do I really have some bases to be a good man? My hunger and my problems led me to the search of God and of the sense of this all. Moreover, the fundamental question was: what role should I play? Thanks to the influence of my grandmother (she taught me my first prayers when I was a child) and thanks to the fact that I read the Bible for the first time when I was 12 or 13 years old, my search initially began with traditional Church. I remained there about two years. I went to secret catechism sections. I had my First Holy Communion. I used to go to the Holy Masses. I prayed and I did things according to prescribed manners. Nevertheless, after a while I began to be disappointed. I realized that, despite all my efforts, there were no changes in my life. I kept having the same interior void. I kept suffering from the same diseases. I kept having the same questions. I didn't know what to do to contrast my fears and my anxiety. The church did not provide me with sufficient answers. I needed something more profound. I wanted to experience life with God, not just hearing of Him. I don’t mean that in the traditional Church there are no sincere people who search God, love God, find God, and live according to this. I am just describing my own personal case the way it really is. I wasn't satisfied. I think that the reason behind this is that God does not answer to those who are not sincere, hungry, and humble. He does not answer to our superficial and mechanical religious rituals. These rituals are only an attempt to reach Heaven, but they never fill our heart in all its completeness. According to my experience, the real satisfaction resided in a living and personal relation with God. God is the only answer for the hearts of those who search - not religion about God, but GOD HIMSELF. I started to read a lot of books, e.g. Erich von Däniken, R. Moody, J. Murphy, or books about meditation, yoga, and dream interpretation. I attended a seminar by a healer in the city of Piešťany. It was about white magic, work with divining rod, and pyramids. He told us how to understand the spiritual world, how to recognize it, and how to master those forces in order to give benefit both to ourselves and to other people. It looked innocuous, noble, and good. I saw the manifestation of a certain spiritual power. I tried several things and it worked. This aspect gave me a lot of enthusiasm. For about one year I had been going to church and also practicing different kinds of techniques. When I was 15, I definitively refused Christian religion as a way that could help me. I turned away from God in His biblical vision. I was young and self-confident. As a searcher, I thought that church rituals do not furnish any spiritual answers about the supernatural world. I simply realized that it wasn’t the right way for me. I decided to look for another personalized way to God. For the following 10 years I followed different religions, oriental or pagan practices.

Rise and fall

I started to experience “spiritual responses”. During my exercises I was often fulfilled with energy and strength: such a form of energy/strength I never felt before. I was convinced that it was a contact with God. For 3-4 years I wasn’t sick and my physical problems stopped annoying me. The deeper I went, the more I discovered some particular gifts that were hidden inside me, incl. healing power. I started to do fortune-telling and I said things that resulted to be truthful. I used to predict things that really happened in near future. Sometimes I read people’s thoughts. I saw their aura. I healed people. I knew that I did all this thanks to that strength I was experiencing during meditation according to different techniques. I was more and more persuaded that my way was the right one. I disdained Christian religion. I had a bad opinion about believers and acquaintances who were not profound believers. I used to confute all they said and I led some of them to Buddhist seminars. I experienced new interior self-confidence. I was some one. I found out my identity in all that. Nevertheless, I felt I was still searching and searching. I could find peace and rest. All my sensations of interior peace were temporary. I concluded that we sometimes search through our senses. Unfortunately, because of this occult influence I damaged a lot of lives. My life was completely dominated by my search and I met lots of people along the road. My own spiritual way was gradually monopolizing my life. It began more important than my university studies. My main goal was spiritual search. I left university. I didn’t finish my studies. I considered them as unimportant for my spiritual growth. I had other more noble and “spiritual” thoughts, e.g. getting to India, looking for a personal guru, an enlightened spiritual master, who could lead me to pure knowledge. I had a couple of serious relationships, but I was not able to keep them steady. I did wrong to several women. Now I see all my mistakes. My heart was too hard, blind, and selfish. These bad qualities were potentiated by my spiritual activities, my pride, and egotism. Consequences were gradually growing heavier – like maturation of fruits. During my meditations I developed my chakras in order to have more love and compassion. Nevertheless, today I must admit that my love relationships were extremely bad during those years. Back then, I didn't see it. I did excessive introspective analyses. This disturbed my inter-human relations and communication with my relatives and friends. I didn’t care too much about the rest of the world. I was irresponsible toward my duties. I had a lot of debts, because I thought that finances are only material/non-spiritual means. For a few years my health was good; but later, my diseases reappeared and they were worse than in the past. I made efforts to live a clean and honest life, but in several occasions I was in trouble and "my spiritual world" did not help me at all. A bohemian period also followed. I hanged around the streets with some “artist” friends looking for relief and inspiration. We frequented bars, played with women, drank alcohol, and experimented drugs. I had a double life: a holy fool and a crazy libertine. On the outside I was a good actor and a brilliant “story-teller”; but in my interior life I was creating deeper and deeper darkness and void. From the morning until the evening, Monday to Sunday, I was somewhere outside with people; I refused to stay at home, by myself, with my demons. When this phase finished, I retried to gain a clean and honest life; but I just made desperate and unsuccessful attempts. I wasn’t able to return to my original cleanliness, innocence. I wasn’t able to get rid of the burden that was oppressing me. I was falling lower and lower in the darkness at an awful speed. I was a sort of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in one body. Sometimes I had such a good mood. I was euphoric and extremely happy. I walked around the streets almost dancing. I had no obstacles. I had the impression that I could hug the whole universe. If you met me in such a mood, you would certainly think that you are seeing a happy man. But almost nobody knew about my other face. When I shot the door of my room, I remained alone with my demons. I was depressed and awfully sad. I was hopeless in extreme darkness. I didn't want to live anymore. I didn't want to breathe or to get up from bed... They diagnosed me a maniacal-depressive psychosis. Doctors said it was incurable. I started therapy, but then I abandoned it...

The hell on earth

A breakthrough occurred in this awful situation: all those things were not working anymore. My “spiritual voices” ceased. I had no more positive energy, no more interior strength. Just try to imagine when you unplug an electrical appliance. Nothing was left, but my dark side. My dark side completely phagocytised me. The results were: anxiety, horrible depressions, and nightmares. The spiritual world was totally open and I could see inside it. But I couldn’t see the good God in it. During the night I sometimes woke up and saw some beings in my room. Nobody could see them, but me. I physically saw and sensed them. I was horrified. I can hardly describe this status. Some elements of the various techniques I practiced began to happen in an automatic way, regardless of my own will. I didn’t master those forces. They were mastering me. They were completely leading me. They were not just energies, but concrete beings. They were not counsellors or allies, but real demons with fire in their ocular cavities. When I was sleeping, my soul got separated from the body, despite the fact that I didn't even want to hear about astral trips. I was connected with my body and I could perfectly sense everything, but I wasn’t able to regain control of my body and to enter it back. My insane fear increased. On the outside, when drinking with friend in pubs, I behaved as though I was a guru. But when I was by myself, I experienced something like the edges of total insanity. I lost 20 kilograms. I wasn’t able to sleep at night (for several months). I felt like an angry beast. In two occasions I went very close to suicide. All my world fell apart: family, relations, health, psyche, finances, studies, work... it was the hell on earth. I lost any hopes to get back into normal life, just like other people. I slept during the day, because I felt better. During the night I was awake and tried to obfuscate the perception of reality by drinking alcohol or using drugs. This trend continued for several months, almost every day. I touched the high peaks of spiritual power and then I fell down deeper and deeper… and deeper.

Living God

When I was absorbed by that terrifying darkness, I met a good friend; I used to practice different spiritual techniques together with her. She was a professional psychologist. She had similar problems as mine. Nobody was able to help her (no guru, no doctor, no healer, etc.). But in front of me I could see a different person. She had no cigarettes, no alcohol. She looked happy; she had calm in her eyes and she told me that she received help through Jesus Christ. She had met Christians who prayed for her. She experience God's touch, healing, and freedom. I could believe what I was seeing with my eyes and what I was hearing with my ears. She betrayed our spiritual pathway and followed some inefficient Christian practices. I reproached her in a pub full of smoke. But she just stayed calm and prayed for me in her spirit: God, have mercy on this deceived and suffering soul who is sitting in front of me. And the miracle occurred. God’s love and power began to descend as though somebody was pouring honey or oil from the top of my head. Then, it was gradually flowing down throughout all my body. I had goose-flesh. I was smoking a cigarette, but I wasn’t able to have any more draw. That force touched my mouth. So I wasn’t able to curse any longer. Then, it touched my heart and I started to weep. I couldn't stop weeping, despite the fact that I tried to resist to that force. I had had many spiritual experiences before that. But nothing was comparable to what I was experiencing in that moment. I remember once we call the spirits of our ancestors; but it was nothing compared to what I was experiencing in front of that girl. I had the impression that I got completely crazy. She looked at me, astonished, and she told me: “Denis, God is touching you.“ In a pub?? I went back home by myself. I started to reproach God because of all my life. It was my first prayer after so many years. During all my life I had tried to help people and this is what I am getting in exchange. I was like a wretch. Why? In that very moment, that presence returned. Within a couple of seconds I saw all my life with my own eyes. It was like a film in a cinema. I saw it through divine eyes. I saw my heart living a spiritual life but covered up by a growing spiritual pride because of my supernatural skills - and after all this, everything fell down. I saw my hatred and my disdain toward my parents. I saw my rebellion and my revolt. I saw the lives of people marked by my selfishness and my lies. I saw my impurity. I saw my own thoughts and my own heart through eyes that were not from this world. Under this light, I realised that I am the worst sinner in the world. I thought that I was making good things and helping people: it was all illusion and deception. Everything fell down and was destroyed – nothing was left out of it, not even ashes or debris. I said to God: "If You are there, please give me a proof. Give me a proof of the fact that Anka said truthful things about You tonight. I want to believe, but I am not able to. I need to experience you. Help me and do something, because my life cannot be classified as life. I'd better die and put an end to all. I don’t want to live one more day in these conditions.” I was incredibly serious. I saw myself as a living corpse. If some God exists, full of light, love, and peace, I am sure He has nothing to do with this bunch of disgraces that are featuring my current life. Suddenly, in front of me I saw something like a person writing a rainbow inscription brightening in gold and light. This inscription pierced me, just like sunrays running through thick curtains in a fuggy and dark room. “NOT MY WILL BUT YOURS BE DONE.“ This was the real breakthrough in my life. I saw that during all my life I just did what I liked. I uttered my first prayer by stating that I will totally entrust my life to God, forever. It was a night of February 2002, in the streets of Bratislava – I was continuously repeating it:

“Not my will but yours be done.“

It is hard to describe what followed. For several hours I experienced waves of power, purifying fire, and extreme love. I cried a river of tears. This sensation was running through all my being.

A silent voice told me in my heart: “I love you.“ I replied: “How can somebody still love me?“ – “Yes, just you, the way you are. I love you the way you are. I welcome and accept you. I died for you.“

All my heavy burdens and my darkness fell apart. I felt as light as a feather. I realised that God lives. He is real and is purifying me. He forgives me all sins and accepts me despite all I did. The lost son came back home… For the first time after so many months I slept at night. I was like a new-born baby. In the evening my larynx was still irritated by the heroin I used to smoke and I very often had fever. When I got up in the morning, my body temperature was normal and my throat did not present any traces of smoke-caused irritation. I had a new larynx. I had a new heart. I found happiness and lightness. My body was healed. Peace and calm were reigning in the very centre of my being. None of my previous techniques gave me this sensation. I was forgiven. In any cell of my body I knew that I met God. All previous spiritual experiences were only a tiny drop of water compared to the infinite ocean I swam in during that night. I knew I was at the borderline of life and death. I always did what I liked. I had destroyed my life. I almost decided to surrender, but God heard my call. He gave me a new chance, a new beginning, and a new life. I am no longer a searcher. I have found Him. I have found what I had been looking for all my life. Actually, He found me, in the death tunnel, almost at the end. God took me out and freed me. I shed tears, and then tears, and then even more tears… There was only one thing I was afraid of. I feared that all this can just cease tomorrow. But it didn't cease. God is really living and the only truthful way to Him is through His Son, Jesus Christ. The force of alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, and addiction was over. I gave over to Jesus all supernatural gifts and skills that did not come from God. Healing power, fortune-telling, aura-reading… all this stuff was gradually gone. My phobias, voices, demons, maniacal depression, nightmares… all this disappeared. Some of them left immediately, some other things left gradually. I didn’t care. My heart received love that does not fade away. My life changed from its basis. It totally changed. I don’t need false identities anymore. I know that God forgave me. He took me as His own child. I am His beloved child. This is enough for me. He is the only being, the only authority. Only God has the power. God rules over all spiritual beings, angels or demons. Only Jesus defeated the force of sin. He won over hell and death. He helped me when I called for help. He put himself between me and the hell, in order to save me from death. He is the Son of the living God, Jesus Christ.

Occultism is a very serious and dangerous matter

Every one of us received from God the desire for supernatural things. It is something which dwells inside us. In recent times, featured by consumerism and superficiality, people long even more intensively for spiritual matters. The way and the aim of the knowledge of the spiritual sphere is God Himself. In the 5th book of Moses (chapter 18) God forbid pagan practices like fortune-telling, horoscopes, astrology, contact with spirits and the dead, divination. God doesn't want us to use these ways in order to discover the spiritual sphere. The main problem for those who try these practices with faith and consistency is not that they are silly practices. They really work. The question is: where are those forces from? What is their spiritual source? What results will they bring? Those who practice these things lose God’s protection. They are exposed to malediction; not just them, but also those around them and their family. These practices open the door of a spiritual world which is initially mysterious and exciting. But at the bottom of this gorgeous pot, there are devilish poisons. Human knowledge and skills do not provide antidotes against such poisons. The results are sometimes immediately visible. Sometimes they come later. But at the end of it all there is always the destruction of relations, marriages, families, health, finances, and life.

In the Gospel according to John (14, 6) Jesus said: “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through”

Jesus said that he is the only way to God. He is the right door to the spiritual world. Those who try to reach God through a different door will certainly end up in ruin, under the power and influence of spiritual forces; they will not be in the loving arms of our Father God, who gives us peace and joy. I am not saying this by myself. These are Jesus’ words. Everybody has free will and can decide whether to believe in it or not. This is my story. I pray because I want it to be a sort of admonition to help other people in troubles. Long time ago, I fought hard to explain people that it cannot be the truth. But then, He, the real Truth came, and liberated me from hell and death, when I called His name and when I gave Him my life through a simple prayer. It wasn’t a doctrine or a technique. It wasn't a strong feeling or an act of will. I was too weak for it. My will was too weak. My decisions to stop some bad habits resisted only one month at maximum. It was the intervention of the love and power of Jesus. It completely changed my life. And it has kept changing it for 6 years. This power is available for free and for every one of us who wants to extinguish his/her own spiritual thirst.

New life

My life, my values, and my priorities were completely changed. I live for God, because He saved my life. I live for His creation, i.e. for everything I can do in order to glorify Him. I used to be a big nomad; now I have my steady place and I am happy. Three years ago I got married. God gave me a wonderful wife who has strong faith in Christ. My situation is better than what I deserve. I am actively engaged in church activities. I perceive the Church as God’s family. It helps me get back to life, after such hard times I lived in the past. When I meet people from my past, they cannot believe that I have a steady job, house, wife… they cannot believe that I have paid out my debts and that I am happy. When I talk with people who first met me after my conversion, they see a happy man and they cannot believe that I had such bad experiences in the past. I do understand those who have success. But at the same time I have compassion for all “hopeless” cases like mine. I witness God’s love and power as strongly as I can. After so many miracles it is impossible to be quiet. This is my biggest desire and passion: to speak about Jesus and to see how people come to Him and meet God, the most wonderful being in the universe, as a personal Saviour, Doctor, Liberator, Friend, and Father. I delight when I see people building a personal relation with God through Jesus Christ. What gives the greatest joy is seeing many of my “former friends” (drug-addicted and bar-clients, or persons with other problems) who become fathers of families, working people, useful for others. It makes me full of joy. I want to live for it. I want as many people as possible to meet Jesus and His transforming love and power. I often find refusal, misunderstanding, religious prejudices, but this is part of the path. Nobody said that it will be a piece of cake. Similarly, it is not easy to accept the fact that so far we cannot have children. But God can make miracles also in this aspect of our life. We already know of several cases in which God made wonders, despite medical diagnoses and prognoses. Miracles do occur, but they are not automatically falling down from Heaven. Our prayers are important. But they don't work just like when we insert coin in a vendor machine. We learn humbleness, waiting with confidence that God has His own plan and His time schedule is always the best one. His intentions for us are good, even though we sometimes don’t understand them.