My story

JUDr. Daniela Drtinova, Ph.D. is a Czech TV presenter and journalist. Her programme is on the channel CT4 – named "Events, comments" (Udalosti, komentare)

My way to faith wasn’t easy and straight forward. At around 7th year of my life I firstly realised peculiar emotions and forays into spiritual worlds. At that time I had realised how lively my inner space is.

In my dreams, in my imaginations I lived parallel stories, in my fantasy I moved centuries ago. I read much, not only fairy tales that are full of mystique pictures. I remember how I spent long hours sitting on a tree branch in the garden and read stories about angels and wood nymphs from the writer Eliska Krasnohorska. In that period a book from American writer John Irwin “A Prayer for Owen Meany” fascinated me by its strong drive concerning with destiny and faith. It was the “story from the other side” that dragged me into the book: the story takes place in the inner world of a small boy who is from his childhood aware where his destiny leads him – that he is to sacrify himself to save others. I know since my childhood that inner rencontre of Owen that surpassed him so much. I know also how difficult it is to understand these things and to cope with them. But the most difficult is to accept them.

Since I heard the silent inner call already as a child, I had to follow it. This was the beginning of my searching. My dreams did communicate strongly to me – they were full of symbols and teachings, through them my spiritual child was born gradually.

Actually – for its arrival into cognizance I was totally alone. My parents didn’t arrange a baptism for us. My Mom comes from nine children and her family lived in Novohradske hills (CZ), close to the nature. Her faith was and still is non – institutionalised, personal - actually until recently she hasn’t been talking about it. My Dad has unusual inner world, because he used to paint. But whether he trusts in God or no, he hasn’t any need to share it with us. My parents never told me what to do or not to do, what to think or do not think. They let me mature gently and naturally into a point that I “believed”. However, along my road I had to deal with it alone.

I lived intensive spiritual life since my 11th year (although I lived it unknowingly) since I was firstly exposed to very strong and un-doubtful “higher status”. It was like a “lightning strike”. Since then my inner life began to be more important for me than the outer one – I just didn’t realised at that time, that it has to do something with faith. I realised it later.

My relationship towards the church was totally neutral in the teenage period, I didn’t understand much to “believers” (those visiting church). I knew I am “different”; I couldn’t share these sacral and fundamental things with anybody. There came also a period when I tried to silence this “call from inside” and to suppress the inner world. However, my dreams were stronger and they didn’t let me sleep, they forced me to seek and on the way to the source I got to a crucial book for me from Aniela Jaffé “Memories, dreams, reflections”. It’s Carl Gustav Jung’s spiritual autobiography. That was the turn. Suddenly I woke up. I was 18 and at the door of maturity. I found out that the inner world was connected with spiritual content of my soul, that it is the expression of a lively God. That I am not to displace them and be afraid of them, but sink into them and into myself and expose myself to them. God’s sparkle, that had lit a long time ago started to show me its visible, conscious form. The inner conscious leadership became stronger and stronger…

A many years long puzzle, the results of my inner searching and work “made the whole picture” inside me when I was 33. I was baptised in the church of St. Agnes, in Prague (Sporilov) and I found many answers together with a key into the Christian mysticism.

St. Theresa of Avila became my guard and teacher in my inner world. I was baptised in her name. When I read her “The Mansions of the Interior Castle”, “The Wayt of Perfection” and “The Life”, all the things she had wrote about, how she had lived, etc. - were so close to me! I concentrated more thanks to her texts and teaching of prayers. Many times I touched through them a living faith. She accompanied me further on the way as if she had been really present. Later on I was backed by “The Dark night” from St. John of the Cross. I touched it as well…

Meditating and prayers are the journey of living faith for me, renewal and inner change. But it is also a work with the Shadow: changing the shadow in us; definitely I am not denying analysis and the reasoning. The active and passive principle, Mary and Martha are in the space of thoughts, where everything is happening.

I look for the substantial in silence and concentration. There really is the Highest…it is top-ranking gift I could ever got.